It’s a winter night, and a group of my female friends greet one another before heading to dinner together. There are delighted squeals since we’ve not seen each other for a while. There are long hugs, loving hellos, and such genuine “how are you?”s. There are compliments: “I love your new haircut!” or “What a cute dress!” Then I hear these words across the room: “Oh my gosh, you look so great! Have you lost weight?!” This is not an uncommon thing for any of us to hear in almost any setting. But every time I witness it — in any context, whether it’s friends, family, strangers, characters on tv, etc. — I shudder with discomfort and sadness.
In circles where I feel safe (and I’m so grateful I have those!), I dare to speak up to say that I don’t feel comfortable when we comment on one another’s size or weight. Maybe it’s my own sensitivity to our collective social conditioning. Perhaps it brings up my vivid memory of watching a friend slowly die from anorexia in…