if it makes you happy...

...why the hell are you so sad?

I’ll start with an apology in case I’ve just put a Sheryl Crow ear worm into your head when you read the title of this post. This song’s been stuck in my head since last week when I was being interviewed on a podcast that airs next month. (Lucky for listeners, I did NOT break into song on the podcast.) The podcast host asked me if I’ve felt pressure to exhibit only happiness since “coming out” and making the choices that led to my divorce. She asked because she experienced a similar feeling in midlife when she made a big, unexpected change in her career. This topic of happy-pressure is one that keeps coming up for various people in my spheres, so it felt timely and worthwhile to speak to it here.

I’ve personally made big changes in my life that I knew in my gut were aligned with my truth and my desire — and amidst the relief, freedom, and joy these transitions have opened up for me, I’ve also felt intense swells of grief. I often hear this from friends and clients with their unique (an…