barn's burnt down
now i can see the moon...?
“barn’s burnt down, now i can see the moon”
I’m sure that many of you, like me, are in utter grief and terror watching all that’s burning down in our world right now. Amidst the unrelenting flames of current events, it’s felt nearly impossible to see my way through to the moon — to clarity, to beauty, to light.
I’m sitting down to write to you between bouts of sobbing for how our government is actively killing innocent citizens in the streets of Minneapolis. I cannot ignore the traumatic context in which we are living and send you some tone-deaf rah-rah. I also will not let this Trumpster fire obliterate my purpose and passion. The country is ablaze with excessive greed and ignorant fear of difference. They kill some of us slowly by removing rights and some of us in a literal rapid fire of bullets to the face or the heart. While trying to survive the ongoing fires of planetary rape on a global scale and the fascist fuckshit unfolding in this country, our personal lives continue with their own challenges and celebrations. We need to use what energy we can still muster to tend to the concentric circles of our communities, our families, and our individual well-being. This is a reminder to myself and to you to feel everything, far-reaching and close in, and that you do not have to feel it alone. We need each other now, more than we ever have.
I titled this post with a quote translated from 17th-century Japanese poet Mizuta Masahide. These words are about finding beauty and clarity after loss or hardship. It’s on my mind because last week, a dear, old friend texted me a photo of the quote on a magnet she came across. She said it made her think of me because she remembered I had these words on my MySpace profile back in 2004 when she “decided we needed to be friends,” and we have been friends ever since. She invited me to dinner last week. There, she let me know she had just burned down walls that had held a former version of herself and was standing in her own pool of captivating and curious moonlight. This recall came to me at a perfect time.
Over these past years, on a personal level, I’ve experienced a heart-load of loss. I burned down a barn or two, and I cried watching them burn. Though they were confining and outdated for the person I am becoming, their structure provided shelter, belonging, and home. Just as their walls held me, they also blocked my view of a wider, moonlit expanse. As I stand among the ashes of several prior iterations of myself and my life, now with the larger perspective of a mysterious night sky and the illumination of the moon, I feel both terrified and exhilarated. Have you been there, too? Are you there now?
what makes us feel alone is what connects us
When you find yourself at a crossroads in your life, whether you’re preparing to strike a match, watching the flames, or in the smoke of dying embers, you aren’t standing alone. I’ll spare you the predictable phoenix metaphor and simply say that you can now stretch out expressed and true, twirl around, and let the moonlight kiss your gloriously human, tear-stained cheeks. Because I understand this place so deeply in my bone marrow, I am right there beside you. And there are so so so many (more than you realize!) other kindred souls who have dared to admit to themselves that they want something more. Yes, even now, in this moment in history. Especially now.
While it may induce fear or shame or guilt to experience a moment of pleasure, creativity, joy, agency, and unity amidst such collective unrest, it is exactly the medicine that will get us through. These are the fundamental pieces of humanity our current administration finds so threatening that they aim to suffocate them. I have to hold the hope that what is being burned down now allows us to shine moonlight on the ugliest shadows so we can begin to expose and heal these deep wounds of humanity. From there, I hope we can build again from a more compassionate, connected, and clear place. Yes, I’m painfully aware that this view is appallingly idealistic, and it honestly slips through my fingers every time I pick up my phone and see the latest tragedy. That’s the intentionally shaky reality of the alarming state of this world in this moment. Keep going, keep using your voice, keep feeling, keep GATHERING TOGETHER.
If Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés' words are true that “we were made for these times,” then I have been put here to gather us together to make the unseen seen, to use our voices to tell our truths, to reclaim our desires, and to celebrate every hue of feeling that flashes across our gorgeous hearts. With that purpose, over the past week, I began to interview applicants for the next intimate cohort of fiercely vulnerable and tenderly mighty humans to participate in The Midlife Emergence group. We will circle together for 10 weeks of skipping the small talk and getting to the depths of our unique and shared midlife quandaries. The words below from former clients and participants paint a powerful picture of what is possible when we are held in safe spaces together:
“This group was divine intervention somehow — it saved my life, honestly. I grew my self-acceptance and found a community of fellow travelers. I am not alone!”
“Jen brings a level of precision, depth, and presence that makes it impossible to stay on the surface. The pace is intentional, the questions are exacting, and the work requires honesty — not performance.”
“When I first decided to join the Midlife Emergence group, I was unaware of how life-changing it would be for me. Jen compassionately moderated us for 10 transformative weeks as we contemplated and examined our own societal and familial conditioning, our personal wants and needs, and eventually our own becoming. It connected me with new friends and a community that I desperately needed. Having Jen's support along this journey has been one of the best decisions of my life.”
“With Jen's guidance and safe container, I was able to share things I have never shared. I was held in such a safe space within the group and could learn and grow. Jen creates a lovely community and is a dynamic catalyst for change.”
“This was a beautiful group of kind, soulful, creative, and interesting women, each with our own stories, and bonded by the strong, fragile, and infinitely complex state of being human.”
“This experience grabbed me off of my mind’s spinning wheel. Immersing myself in a group of authentic women, deeply facing myself with love, honesty, and compassion, and moving forward with feeling and purpose was one of the greatest gifts I could’ve ever given myself.”
“Engaging with real people who are doing the hard work of finding their true authenticity showed me I am not alone. Love for self and for others is burning deep down inside of us all — we just have to free it.”
A brand new cohort of fellow midlife women and gender expansive folks are coming together now for the 10-week Midlife Emergence group that begins next month, in this time when we most need each other. Applications are OPEN and spots are limited.
This is for YOU if there’s an unexpressed piece of you brewing inside that’s yearning to be deeply seen, heard, met, loved.
It’s for you if there’s some part of you longing for a change that does not have to completely ignite as you know it, but one that does call you to stand more fully in your truth, more comfortably in your skin, more confidently in your power, more tenderly in your heart, more presently in your life.
Let’s gather together in the uneasy apprehension and clarifying freedom (yes, simultaneously!) of examining the barn walls that are keeping our lives small and our sovereignty quieted. I’m thrilled that seats are already filling with some amazing souls, some new friends. If this resonates, join us…
celebrating: my 19-year-old’s birthday TODAY!!! 💜 This is the first year we’re not spending their birthday with them, as they’re away at college. Oof, another absolutely appropriate and heart-wrenching milestone of parenting.
watching: the 10th and final 😢 season of Queer Eye. (Those sisters in episode 1, OMG!)
basking in the good news of: Come See Me in the Good Light, the documentary about Andrea Gibson and megan falley, has been so-very-deservingly nominated for a friggin’ OSCAR!!! Please, for the love of love, do your heart a favor and watch this beautiful piece of art on Apple TV immediately. (If you don’t have this streaming service, you can get a 30-day free trial.)
pulling cards from: the new “Grow” oracle deck by a designer and artist I’ve admired for years, Justina Blakeney of Jungalow
⭐️ Whether you’re an unpaid or paid subscriber to prism, having a spot in your inbox is an honor I don’t take for granted. Thank you.
Beautifully written! ❤️
Beautiful moon shot!